No time this side of heaven.
Which illustrates the point: You can’t change him! “Wait a minute!” you say. “You don’t know him.” Dear wife, you are correct. I don’t know your husband, your marriage, or your situation. Yet I do know that you can only change yourself.
Only you control your thoughts, actions, prayers, comments, and responses.
Then, God-willing, your husband will respond to the change he sees in you. Now, let me clarify what this does NOT mean. It does not mean that you allow yourself to be hurt, pushed around, or abused. See the blog How to Resolve Conflict. So, if your husband said or did something hurtful, still say something. This is not about silence. Yet it is about your heart…
So if you can’t change him, then what can you do? As my dear friend says, “Talk to God about your husband before you talk to your husband about your husband.” In other words, go to the Lord with the change you desire to see in your husband. Ask Him if there is anything He would have you change, pray, do, or say. Ask Him if there is a way you are contributing to the situation. Pray for your husband. Ask the Lord to enable you to see him as He sees him. Ask the Lord to open your eyes to your husband’s great qualities that drew you to him in the first place. Shift your focus to the good in him. Speak blessing about him, over him, and to him. Ephesians 4:27 is clear on this last idea: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (emphasis mine) I’ve been working on this one for a long time. I’m still a work in progress. Frankly, I can’t meet my own requirements, much less the Lord’s! How can I expect more from my husband? We both need Jesus! He is the only One who met, kept, and lived God’s requirements perfectly. He was without sin, which is the reason He could rescue you (and me!) from your sin. Stay in your hula hoop. Ask the Lord if He would do a change in you. The potential is that from there, He will also work a change in your husband, in response to the change He makes in you. And I’ve learned that any change the Lord does in my Hubby is far superior, and lasting, then any change I try to make in him myself. The result: to God be the glory! And a more Christ-like you, (God-willing) a changed husband, and a better marriage. You can’t change him! Stay in your hula hoop and watch the Lord work miracles in your life, and your marriage. **DISCLAIMER** I’m not a pastor, therapist or counselor. These comments are not intended to guide you in decisions about your marriage. They are intended to point you to the One who knows you, your husband, and your situation completely. He is the way, the truth, and the life. Lasting change always comes through Him. Secondly, you are the Beloved of your God. As you receive from Him, you will be satisfied. That is a guarantee. What is not a guarantee is a change in your husband. He has to want it too. *This was illustrated during a marriage class through our church called Re-Engage. It is available in most states, including Alaska and Hawaii. Find a class near you: https://www.reengage.org/ © Sanctuary of Home™ All Rights Reserved
All Scripture references, unless otherwise indicated, are from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide
4 Comments
Sarah
9/15/2025 10:39:56 am
This hula hoop analogy is definitely going to stick with me! :)
Mellany Zepelak
9/15/2025 10:58:27 am
Thank you for sharing, Sarah! It's a visual that has stayed with me too! I'm glad to pass it along and that it is helpful.
Kim
9/18/2025 07:11:46 am
"Stay in your hula hoop!" = SIYHH!
Mellany Zepelak
9/19/2025 06:53:49 am
Praise the Lord, Kim! Leave a Reply. |
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