The Single Thing That Will Ruin Every Relationship

Betrayal.

Slow. Coy. Unexpected.

It smacked me in the face out of nowhere.

Have you been there?

I didn’t see it coming.

A friendship. Constant. Loyal. Dependable. Gone.

Over a decade later I still found myself bristling when I heard her name.

​Anger.

It would all flood back again.

The questions – What had I done? Had it all been a lie?

The abandonment. The unbelief.

The – PAIN.

It was holding me captive.

My children peaceably played with friends outside. I busied myself with dinner preparations. Suddenly, the flood of pain from this relationship surfaced again. And with it, conviction.

I had tried forgiving. Multiple times. Sometimes I thought it took. Until I realized it didn’t.

Unconsciously, the truth was that I didn’t want to forgive. Not completely. The holding on meant keeping the relationship somehow. Why I wanted to hang on is still unknown. Yet I hadn’t chosen to let it go. To forgive meant choosing to relinquish the relationship.

The Lord calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. He modeled for us what He requires of us. (Mark 8:34)

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Col 3:13)

My unforgiveness was sin. A sin that bred and gave birth to bitterness, anger, and resentment.
It hurt me – not her. And ruined every opportunity for reconciliation.

It also marred my relationship with the Lord, keeping sin between us. In the aftermath, other relationships where trust was needed for growth, suffered.

I fell to my knees on our kitchen floor.

In tears, I repented of my unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, and resentment. I confessed hanging on. I asked for forgiveness.

Then I asked for the power to forgive the friend who had injured me. And by Christ’s power and love, I forgave.

Recently I heard mention of this old friend. I noticed for the first time in years, I didn’t get the knot in my stomach, the tension in my jaw, the anger that had previously arisen at the mention of her name. I had peace in my soul. I was even able to bless her.

I was free.

Unforgiveness is a poison that slowly kills you.

The Lord has been gracious to you. He has forgiven you. He can and will help you do the same for others.

Can you think of a relationship where you bristle just hearing the person’s name?
Do you need to forgive that person?

This is not something you can do in your own strength. Would you call on the name of the Lord, repent of your unforgiveness, and ask for the power to forgive?
​
He is willing and waiting.

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” (John 8:36)

How has forgiveness blessed you?
Please share in the comments.

Please enjoy the song “Forgiveness” by Matthew West to encourage you on this hard journey:

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