When Home Doesn't Feel Like a Sanctuary

Anger.
​
Predominant emotion; no one seemed to be doing anything right. All I could see was the bowl dropped, the table still not cleared, the bantering and play without the needed work accompanying it.
​
The judgement against myself was the worst. Why had I slept in? While I desperately needed the rest I missed my prayer time, my workout time, my time where all of the children are sleeping and I am up…uninterrupted.

​Sigh.

The resulting poor attitude I’d had most of the day did not seem to make it worth it.
Struggle.

In desperation I asked the Lord to help me with this anger. Quietly, the word ‘gratitude’ was whispered to my spirit.

Surely this would be an act of the will. I chose obedience and began to give thanks. Anything I could think of. Basic, yet from the heart.

Thank you for the roof over our head. Thank you for a steady job for Pete. Thank you for leftovers. Thank you that Sam is old enough to make breakfast.

The anger dissipated.
For a time.
I may have even smiled.

I’d like to say the rest of the day my attitude and actions were positive.
​
Yet that wasn’t the case.

While I had my moments, the day was a fight. A fight with the Enemy who wants to keep me all wrapped up in anger and not see the Light. A fight to engage with my children and not think only about myself.

I changed up the routine. We took a walk. The girls picked flowers, our boy protected us from poison ivy, I breathed in the fresh air and took in the green giants towering toward the sky, reminded that I am small and He is great.

I took a nap.

That helped a lot.

Then I came up with a plan for the rest of the day. Though most of it was gone, it put me in a good place.

This day my home felt nothing like a sanctuary. Yet I am reminded that it starts with me. And I remember the worship song which declares:

“Lord, Prepare Me To Be A Sanctuary
Pure And Holy, Tried And True
With Thanksgiving, I’ll Be A Living
Sanctuary For You”

Have you experienced an ‘anything-but-sanctuary’ day?
Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Here’s a link to the song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3IG0Fr819E

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